A slide from ‘Day Of The Hivid’, 1992

At the time I wrote the memoir essays that accompany Dextran Man, Part 1 and Part 2, there wasn’t much interest about buyers clubs for HIV/AIDS drugs. The movie Dallas Buyers Club hadn’t been released yet, and coupled with the general forgetting of the AIDS epidemic over the preceding 15 or so years, buyers clubs weren’t really known outside the community that had used them.

But now, due to the recent uptick in willingness to remember (amongst us who lived through it) and inquisitiveness (amongst historians and documentary makers who didn’t), people are curious about this phenomenon of patient self-empowerment.

I do get asked from time to time for details of how the Sydney buyers club was run. And the mainstream media get disappointed by the answers. They have this notion that it was romantically cloak-and-dagger. Playboy magazine interviewed me in 2013, a few months before the release of Dallas Buyers Club. Then the writer said the publication didn’t want to run the interview because it wasn’t what they’d thought. I hadn’t made mules swallow condoms filled with drugs. I’d just booked FedEx.

So, I thought about how to give out the details, and I’ve concluded that the best way is to publish a document from that time.

This address, Day of the Hivid, was delivered at the 5th National Conference on HIV, held in Darling Harbour, Sydney in November 1992.

But it began as a talk I gave to staff at Roche Products, the Australian subsidiary of the multinational pharmaceutical giant Hoffman La Roche, which owned the drug ddC.

The talk came out of my relationship with a product manager there named Michael. At the start, the relationship was a little adversarial, but it ultimately led to a cooperation for which I was grateful, because it rescued my buyers club clients at a bad time. I‘ll come to that. Read More

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Prelude to new essays, 2024 onwards

by lylechan on November 20, 2024

Sketch page from ACT UP, Part 2 for string quartet

When I wrote the first set of memoir essays, starting in 2011, there weren’t that many AIDS memoirs. At least not ones written post-crisis.

During the plague years, important memoirs were written. There were searing ones like Paul Monette’s Borrowed Time about living and dying with AIDS, and similarly Timothy Conigrave’s Holding The Man, the most well-known of memoirs in Australia due to its subsequent dramatizations.

There were also other factual accounts like the journalistic books about the search for effective treatments, like Peter Arno and Karyn Feiden’s Against The Odds and Jonathan Kwitny’s Acceptable Risks.

These were all written in the white-hot period when holding hope was, let’s be honest, an irrational choice.

But when the miracle drugs came — and they came at different times for different people, between 1994 and 1996, depending on how connected you were to people giving out experimental drugs — the plague years were over, just like that. Yes, just like that. Everyone still left standing raced forward with their lives. Some raced to do things they couldn’t during the plague years, like me who finally allowed myself the frivolity and solemnity of writing music. Some raced into the unknown and didn’t like what they saw; their purpose had been defined by a fight and now that the reason to fight was gone, so was their purpose and reason to live. I had friends like this, warriors who needed a war. People miss you, Bill.

But in all this racing, no memoirs got written, not for a long time. It would take a good 20 years for us to collectively absorb the sensation of after-plague. Read More

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The Perfumed Calyx

February 9, 2024

On Australia Day 2024, my dear friends Michael Duke and David Howie (collective HD Duo) released their latest recording, an all-Australian album for soprano saxophone and piano. In addition to works of composers like the late Peter Sculthorpe, it includes two new works commissioned especially for this album including, I’m thrilled to say, mine. You can […]

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Sonate en forme de cri

October 7, 2023

Brisbane Music Festival and its artistic director Alex Raineri give the world premiere of my first piano sonata on Sunday 10 December 2023. I’m so grateful to Alex for commissioning it and Creative Australia for supporting the commission and performance. Tickets and concert information are here. Update, 23 March 2024: the following is a video […]

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A Walk In The Paradise Garden (Acknowledgment of Country)

October 19, 2022

A Walk In The Paradise Garden by Lyle Chan Written for 17 instruments, A Walk In The Paradise Garden was commissioned by Artology for its To Country program, which encourages using musical works, with or without words, to acknowledge the Indigenous heritage of Australia. The intention is for these very brief works to be played […]

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The Grave and the Light (from Gravity and Levity on the Sunbreathing Earth)

January 22, 2021

Lyle Chan · Gravity and Levity on the Sunbreathing Earth (for orchestra) Update, March 2022: The Sydney Symphony Orchestra and conductor Umberto Clerici have made a marvellous studio recording that will be released soon. Meanwhile, you can hear it using SoundCloud above. On 25 and 26 February 2021, Sydney Symphony Orchestra and conductor Dane Lam […]

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Automne, malade (“Autumn, sick”) from Gravity and Levity on the Sunbreathng Earth

March 25, 2020

Photo: aircraft carrier USS Theodore Roosevelt (CVN 71). Offical U.S. Navy photo by Mass Communication Specialist 3rd Class Anthony J. Rivera. Update, January 2021: More than a year after it was written, Automne malade will be premiered with two performances at the Canberra International Music Festival in May. My deep gratitude to Roland Peelman, festival […]

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Sydney Symphony Orchestra – 50 Fanfares

February 21, 2020

Update, April 2020: Due to Covid-19, the performances in August by Sydney Symphony Orchestra of this work have been cancelled and a new set of dates will be announced as soon as possible. I am so thrilled and humbled to be one of the 50 composers commissioned by Sydney Symphony Orchestra in its ambitious 50 […]

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Pantun (for piano and dancer)

October 26, 2019

Commissioned by Brisbane Music Festival for its program bloodpaths. Friday 29th November, & Sunday 1st December, Alex Raineri (piano) and Katina Olsen (dancer). Born in Malaysia, I am yet somehow more literate in things French than Malay. I adore the exquisite pantoums made by Maurice Ravel and Charles Baudelaire – but I also know a third world poetic […]

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Lasseter’s Diary

August 1, 2019

At Extended Play 2019, The Australian Voices will perform “Poisoned Today”, an excerpt from a major work they’re commissioning from me. In 2005-6, the State Library of NSW exhibited the last diary of enigmatic prospector Harold Lasseter, who infamously died trying to re-locate a gold reef he believed he once found in the Central Australian […]

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